The Collins Port Inn

 

A Look Inside the Chateau

Crazy Dreaming

 

  2/2

  Lots of dreaming after finally falling asleep on the couch and moving upstairs with the dolls. First I was with my childhood friend, Kelly Casey, only we were now adults. It took place in a large convention area in downtown Pittsburgh during the day. After class, or whatever we were there for, we moved to a small cafeteria space with a counter for lunch. Kelly got a red paper carton of milk and a plastic cup of tapioca pudding. I got a can of Diet Coke. We were talking about milk, and how I did not drink it as a child. Afterwards we walked outside where there was a mound of crystals surrounding a small cavern. There was a yellow triad quartz at the top of the mound. A fat blonde, who was with her boyfriend, broke the citrine off and stole it. I also had a chunk of quartz with gray, green, and fuchsia dripping colors like candle wax, very shiny. I’m not sure if we were at ground level, outside, or on the rooftop. There were clusters of bronze and concrete statues all around including one of Zeus on his knees. We passed a black obsidian ziggurat on the right. It was about seven feet high and narrow like a Victorian feather Christmas tree, very intricately carved. There were two metal caskets with padlocks on the ground. A woman told us that a wife had locked her husband’s bones within them. Now we walked beyond to a fair. There were lots of crystal geodes for sale on long white clothed tables. 

  Now I was in class and about to present a book I had written and covered. When it was my turn I realized that it was not the book that I wanted to present. It was a big square shape with a black snakeskin type of cover. The title, something like, Lucid, but not quite, was affixed in a mosaic of sequins. Inside were only copies on heavy magazine paper of old black pen script on burnt parchment. The other book had a fabric cover and is an old puppet show script for Cannery Row that I had helped my students with. I still have it. The fabric looks like the sea or an oil spill, greens and blues. I was thinking that I did not want to present either of those books, rather maybe my paperback Selected Poems because The Three Witches Magic Shoppe Adventures in Doll Land and Fanging with Claude were much too long. I discussed it with my teacher, a woman in her forties with short blonde hair, and she seemed irritated. She was not happy with my choices, wanting me to present Lucid. She got kind of shitty and told me to find my book or clean my house.

  Finally it was Christmas at Grandma Andres’s house, only the house was different. I was trying to film two episodes of my dollhouse soap operas, one in The Magic Shoppe and the other in a tall three storey dollhouse. It had a pink plastic staircase that I had to snap back into place at the top. One of Aunt Nancy’s Dawn dolls, Jessica, with the blonde braids, stood there wearing a long faux fur trimmed white coat. I had filmed the first episode then decidedly fixed a brown clay pony, still soft, and wanted to reshoot. I was working on the lighting. Daddy came and wanted me to come through the Cornwall tunnel with him. My Aunt Janet and Grandma were holding up production somehow. I told Grandma that every girl could have a palm sized Cindy doll that I had made. They had blonde bobbed hair and were dressed in white cotton nightgowns. They were seated in the bottom of the tall house, and I was wondering if I had enough. I think there were five of them. I was about to give up filming as there was too much distraction when I woke up. 

Dreams 1/27

 Dreamt I was working for DCI Barnaby, and there was a scorpion as big as a lap dog trotting at his heels. 

The next dream took place in the backyard where I grew up as well as the house next door. Mummy was there. There was an older male neighbor who lived over the hill who was giving me some trouble. Mummy had a bird's nest. 

The Three Witches Beltane Special

More from the Caravan

 

I'd wanted a caravan for awhile. Ron had taken me to Ravenwood Castle in Hocking Hills. We stayed in the castle, but there were caravans you could stay in, there. They were darling.  I saw some putz type kits too. Then, I'd found a hundred-year-old German one in an old auction catalog made for little dolls. The witches' has an owl theme and can easily be decorated for holidays. If you're considering making one, and like me, your woodworking skills are lacking, a little birdhouse would make a nice easy start. Mine is mostly scraps, but I purchased the door and a couple of wooden boxes at the dollar store. Besides rubber cement, I used poster and foam board glue, too. 

Three Witches Caravan

Thanks to three dollars worth of wood bits from the dollar store and some scraps The Three Witches will be traveling to the Beltane celebration in style this year.  

Three Witches Magic Shoppe: III

 

Three Witches Magic Shoppe: Chapter 11

Eleven

---

Life with Dainty Bette was not what Little Matt had in mind. Too bad he still hadn't learned to consider the consequences. He'd figured an one-hundred-and-forty-year-old vampire would more than know her way around, and maybe, even so; but, she hadn't matured anymore than an eleven-year-old in both body and mind. Little Matt had to be at least thirteen, and he cast his eyes low in shame as she ordered, "Scrub!", from her bubble bath in room 13 of The Collins Port Inn, the green room, also known as Amanda Harris's room.

Meanwhile the witches were outside with Purple Pumpkin Pie. "Fuck sake!" "Now... Don't blame us." Red Witch shook her head. "That's right.", chimed in Suzie Blue, "Three Witches! You Know!" "But, it's not my fucking fault!", cried Purple Pumpkin Pie. "Yeah, right. I'm sure, Mr. Rourke tied you to the bed and held you hostage on the island." Red Witch could not be convinced. "He fucking did." "You're lying, and there's nothing to be done about it, now. Dame Darcy will be here, soon, and she's way more magical."

Dainty Bette had Little Matt fitted with a collar and a leash. They were invisible to most unless you kept your third eye open, you might see. She wouldn't let him party nor strip. "How many times must I tell you, and how stupid are you people? You cannot be a stripper if your clothes are sewn on."

Just then, the lobby door opened, and Little Matt's jaw dropped. In walked the most glorious creature he'd seen, today. "Hi! This is The Collins Port Inn? Is Red Witch in? Oh!" Red Witch appeared behind them. "Dame Darcy! Welcome! We've been hexpecting you! Let me show you up to your room first, let you get settled in. Did you have a good ride in?" "Oh, yes. I rode the north wind and parked my broom alongside the others." "That's right." Little Matt was so impressed. One of the many reasons he had wanted to come to Collins Port Quarter was that he'd lost his license. He still did not fly nor have a broom, and the witches seemed to have all sorts of rules against warlocks. Little Ron said it was a conspiracy against men. He was often in trouble for breaking the Wiccan rede. "Wicca, my ass!", he'd say, but he's Italian. We'll return to that, soon enough, now, we must see what caused all the trouble and left Bette in such a huff.

Three Witches Magic Shoppe: II

 

Three Witches Magic Shoppe: Chapters 6- 10

Six

---

Captain Gregg, the ghost, took the three witches on a wild boat ride for Mardi Gras. Captain Gregg used to have a ship, but he had traded it for a life amongst the witches. He and Suzie Blue were especially close, for she was the most pirate like of the witches. The witches were having a magical Valentines tea party when The Purple Witch had a thought. "Do you know what we need?" The other two were afraid to ask. "Men." "But, we have Little Ron, Plague Doctor, and Captain Gregg," Suzie Blue said. "And, don't forget Ron Paul stops by," added Red Witch, "and he's a real doctor. Hasn't Little Ron been enough trouble?" "Well," thought Purple Witch, "maybe we could train them." "How so?" Suzie Blue Witch wanted to know. "Like dogs?", she laughed. "Hey," said Red Witch, "when I taught, my students used to hound me to teach them magic." "Just like that dirty dishwasher, Dan, remember him? The one that never brushed his teeth nor cleaned his ears?" Purple Witch was having a ball, now. "Yes," replied Red Witch, "it's like I've always said, boys are totally grose. If we are going to have a magic school and hexcept warlocks, I'm going to be hextremely picky about who gets in. No slobs. I think, I'll have to have known them a long time to trust them. Can't trust boys." "You are too picky," said Purple Witch. "That's why I don't get into trouble like you. Remember the time I put my foot down and said, no way we were going in The Dungeon in New Orleans?" Just then, Little Ron came in with his best friend, Little Tim, at his heels. "She's a real Nazi," he said. "Charge her rent," added Little Tim. Suzie Blue gave them such a face. "If anybody is going to be charged rent, it's you," she said. But, Purple Witch was winking at Little Tim and thinking, cute. "What are you talking about?" Little Ron certainly was nosey. "We are thinking about starting a magic school for warlocks," Purple Witch spilled the beans. "Would you be interested?" "Hey! I didn't say, Little Ron," Red Witch snapped. "He's sanctimonious, and I'm not even sure how to spell that. Besides, we don't have to let him in on anymore of our secrets." "Well, who have you known longer than Little Ron?" Purple Witch wondered. "Yeah, you don't have any friends," Little Ron said. Little Tim laughed until he caught the look on Red Witch's face. "Nah, Red Witch is always good for a good time," he said. "Well," said Suzie Blue, I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to think about it, as we cannot begin classes until after our birthdays anyways, as Purple Witch and I are vacationing on Fantasy Island." "Yeah, and keep in mind that it is not just the plague that keeps me from going, either. Mr. Rourke won't have me due to Little Ron." Red Witch was getting huffy. "Have you been banned from Fantasy Island too, Little Ron?" Little Tim was nearly as nosey as his best friend. "You act like I've been banned everywhere, but it's just Fantasy Island and The Pony Hexpress, and let's face it, Red Witch, Tatoo had that coming." "Maybe," mused Red Witch, truth be known, Red Witch stuck up for Little Ron a lot and always had. "Well, anyways, I'll have the time to work on Doll Therapy while my witches are away. I hope to offer courses to my warlocks of choice; and I'll tell you something else, Little Ron, there will be quite a lot." Doll Therapy was one of Red Witch's current projects. "Dead men don't count," Little Ron said. Captain Gregg gave him a vicious sneer. So, the witches celebrated Girls' Day and their birthdays and had quite a time. Then, with Blue Witch and Purple Witch away on vacation, Red Witch had time to work on her books, studies, and choosing the warlocks.

Seven

---

The Magic Shoppe was quiet for the first time since Blue Witch and Purple Witch had gone to the island. Even the resident ghosts had left. Tony and Heidi, Little Ron's brother and Purple Witch's sister, usually hung out in the rafters. But, Tony was a truck driver and got around, and Heidi had gone to Fantasy Island with her sister. Captain Gregg had bought The Collins Port Inn, next door, from Little Ron, as Little Ron wanted to burn it down for insurance. So, Red Witch was working on her Doll Therapy when she got so bored and lonely that she decided to place an ad in The Star for a new resident ghost. There were several applicants: a creepy bride that flitted around, a sea man, and an old college friend of Red Witch's. Red Witch was not fond of the bride as she never spoke. Red Witch thought she was a great bore and sent her away. The sea man left clumps of wet seaweed in his wake and only knew one song, so she sent him next door to the inn where he might haunt the coffee shop. As far as she was concerned, Ghost Tenyke, her old study buddy, was the keeper, but Little Ron was upset. "I don't see why you should mind," said Red Witch, "after all, you were fraternity brothers." But, Little Ron was jealous and sulked. "Well, if you are going to be this jealous of a ghost, how are you going to take to the live ones when they get here?" As, Red Witch had not only been busy interviewing ghosts, but had been sending out letters to would-be warlocks as well.

Eight

---

Suzie Blue Witch came back from vacation, but there was no sign of The Purple Witch, nor Heidi. "Where can she be?" The Red Witch was concerned. She knew Purple Witch too well. So, they plastered her sweet picture all over bottles of Fire Water and magic potions, hoping for a lead. "Have you seen this witch?", read the posters hung about the quarter. Volunteers began to show-up looking for her. Purple Witch had a lot of friends. "When did you last see her?" Red Witch asked Blue Witch the hundredth time. "Well, I told you about my fantasy. I was hexhausted." Blue Witch does not wish for her fantasy to be revealed, but it was nothing The Purple Witch hadn't already done. "You should have kept a better eye on her: The Evil Eye! Speaking of 'witch, our first student, Little Matt, will be arriving soon to begin classes. I met him when I was thirteen, through my cousin, so he will be alright." "Not the cousin who was possessed, I hope. The one whose ass you kicked?" "I loved my cousin!" The Red Witch snapped, "And, you should have been watching out for Purple Witch! You know she can't be trusted. Now, I've had to make some pretty shady deals to get Little Matt's sentence transferred to The Magic Shoppe. He needs discipline." Just then, Little Ron came in, tracking mud all over the floor."This is unacceptable, Little Ron! Take your filthy shoes off at the door!" "What's with the Nazi?" He asked Suzie Blue. "She's worried about Purple Witch." "Well, that's her only friend," he laughed. "Look, Mr. Smartypants, my friends will be arriving here, shortly, and I hexpect you to treat them with respect." Just then the door bell rang. Little Ron came back with a package addressed to Red Witch that had been left at the door. "What's this? Who is it from?" He wanted to know. "Well, let's see," said Red Witch, and she opened the box. "Ho-ho!", said Little Ron, "It's obviously from somebody who doesn't know you! You don't answer the phone." It was an old black seventies rotary telephone. There was also a newspaper, a book of etiquette, and a letter from Purple Witch. Red Witch dialed zero. "That's not plugged in," said Little Ron. "Shh... Hello, Purple Witch? Where are you? Rose Cottage? So, you'll be back real soon? I'm glad! We were worried! Anyways, hurry back as the wanna' be warlocks will be arriving soon."

Nine

---

Many moons passed. Warlock school was a hit. Little Matt was not Red Witch's only friend that she hadn't seen in years that enrolled. There was also Little Mike who had been hexcepted since his birthday was Beltane. The warlocks were staying next door at The Collins Port Inn. But, Little Matt and Mike weren't the only students. Ghost Tenyke was always Red Witch's study buddy. Little Ron would not be outdone and wheedled his way to the top of the class. He was something of an intellectual snob, or, at least, wished to be. "At least he's serious and studious," said Suzie Blue. "That, Little Matt is trouble." "He always has been," snickered Red Witch. "You'll get used to him." "Red Witch only likes losers," said Little Ron. "'Witch hexplains a lot," Red Witch responded.

The witches had decided not to pollute The Magic Shoppe too much with boys, and since they were already staying next door, at The Collins Port Inn, Captain Gregg did not mind if they had classes in the lobby. The fellows did not realize how demanding witchcraft could be. Classes mostly lasted all night. Beginning courses included Herbalogy, Crystal Magic, Dream Magic, Levitation, & Prancercising. In order to prancercise proper, they met in the great hall at Collinwood. Vlad Tepes owned it now, having bought it from Dr. Quentin Collins who'd moved to England with his patient, Maggie Evans, who used to work in the coffee shop at The Collins Port Inn. Prancercising is a combination of Japanese horse back riding, jazz dance, archery, and yoga. Red Witch insisted it rewarded with prancersion: strength, agility, and stamina. Little Ron did his best, Little Matt was a natural, but Mr. Littletim said, "No, this is lame." Ghost Tenyke agreed. "No way!" Little Ron growled. "Tenyke pulled this in the fraternity! He fails!" Suzie Blue Witch was nodding her head. "Even I prancercised," she said. "Look!", directed Little Matt towards the entryway, "He's gone! Just disappeared!" "Typical.", Little Ron huffed in disgust. "Lame." Little Matt agreed. Just then, Mrs. Johnson, the housekeeper, appeared with The Star, Collins Port Quarter's daily news. "And, what's this?" She was asking Little Matt who tried to appear innocent. She was poking at the paper, now, and shaking it at him. "Random?" I'm telling you, what, mister, we'll have none of that, here. You can just park yourself on the porch until you learn how to behave!" "Cool!" Little Matt seemed pleased, but he liked to sleep on the porch, naked, hexspecially.

Ten

---

Little Matt was on the porch of The Collins Port Inn studying his magic books when he thought he heard a sobbing coming from under the porch. Contrary to what you might have heard, Matt is quite chivalrous and looked around. "Hello?" It was dark beneath the porch, and he couldn't make out much. He thought he was looking at a big, fuzzy, purple pumpkin. It smelled rotten. "Hello?" "Oh! Get the fuck out of here!" "Wha...? Who is there?" Just then, Red Witch appeared with a wicker picnic basket that she put down and opened. "I see you've found Purple Pumpkin Pie. Did she get nasty with you? " "Shut the fuck up!" Yes, see, she can't help but cuss. She's rotten. It's only Purple Witch. She returned too late from her fantasy and turned into a pumpkin. I brought you some coffee and books." She spread out a cover across the ground before sitting down and divulging the contents of her magic basket, as she did, little sparks and glints shimmered forth: two thermoses of coffee, paper pouches with cookies, and books. Then, Bette looked out at them from the coffee shop window. "Who is that?" Little Matt seemed enthralled. "Never mind her, Little Matt, are you listening?" "Why? What's wrong with her?" "She's an one-hundred-and-forty-year-old vampire, and if you wish to discover yourself like Purple Witch, here, cursed, go on, and mess with Bette. She was already on her way back across the lane when Purple Pumpkin Pie called, "Thanks for the fucking books!"

Dainty Bette was heading Matt's way, her red riding hood bleeding out behind her. "Who are you?" She wanted to know. "Why are you fanging out on the porch?" Dainty Bette was not like the other dolls. She was an antique. Little Matt thought she was fangtastic. He tried for cool. "I'm sorta' banished, here", he laughed. "I'm Matt. Mrs. Johnson saw my ad in the paper and took it all personal." "Everybody in Collins Port Quarter, hexcept for my master, is a busy body." "Who is your master?" "See?" "What?" Purple Pumpkin was laughing. "Is it true, you are a vampire?" "Come with me." "Where? Will you turn me?" "Turn you into, what?" "You know." He lowered his voice. "A vampire." "Come with me." Then she whispered in his ear, "I'm the only doll whose clothes aren't sewn on."

Three Witches Magic Shoppe: I

 

Three Witches Magic Shoppe: Chapters 1-5

Three Witches Magic Shoppe
By, Dana Lee
Dedicated to my Best Witches
***
One

---

Suzie Blue Witch had purchased a special sort of spell from Happy Laveau, the Voodoo doll, for Red Witch's birthday. Nobody could guess Red Witch's age, but Suzie Blue and she were the same age. Suzie Blue was Red Witch's mother in a past life. She and the witch doctor, Uncle Phil, had eight children, but Red Witch was Suzie Blue's favorite. The little Purple Witch was younger, but their birthdays were all hexactly a week apart, making Red Witch the oldest. Being all Aries witches they got-on very well and never fought amongst themselves. That is not to say that they got along with everybody else; however, afterall, they were witches. Suzie Blue Witch was, by far, the best witch of the three, very kind and saintly. She was a hexcellent seamstress and photographer. She was also the most mannerly and well travelled of the trio. The Red Witch was somewhere in between. Her mother was a Halloween witch who had gone to The Great Beyond and said that when The Red Witch was good, she was very good, but when she was bad, she was worse. Red Witch was also, by far, the craftiest and witchiest of the three: painting, writing stories, and making dolls, (in no particular order). The Red Witch was a very chaotic sort of witch. Now, that little Purple Witch, she was the worst witch, but The Red Witch loved her all the more for it and wouldn't have her any other way. In defense of Purple Witch, her Moon was in Gemini, so it's not like she could help herself. But, back to Red Witch's birthday spell that Suzie Blue Witch so graciously bestowed upon her. It was a wonderful French Quarter Creole cottage, or at least, nearly everything that The Red Witch needed to make it so. She just needed a month, some wine, lots of varnish, paint, good glue, and some magic to make it The Three Witches Magic Shoppe. It was a lovely shade of lilac and baby blue. The shingles were missing, so those witches had to wait until summer for a new roof, but they had one before their Halloween Gala and so many merry adventures, besides... But, that's what this book is all about...

Two

---

Yes, the Halloween Gala Grand Opening went off like a bang. All of the neighbors showed-up: Witchy Pie Poo, also known as Mother Rigby, Dainty Bette, Damiana, Posey Parker, Zelda, Thorin, the dwarf, Cherry Pie Clown, Feathertop, the scarecrow, and Vlad, the vampire. There were games, candy, and trick-or-treaters. Suzie Blue was supposed to supply Vlad with a supply of trick-or-treaters, but she is too soft hearted and did not. It might be mentioned that Vlad is a prince and makes all three witches giddy as if they'd eaten too much sugar. So, when Dainty Bette had offered Vlad a cup of cider, he ate her, instead. Then, Bette became a vampire, herself, and would continue to be a bane to the witches for many moons to come. However, the real problems did not begin until Thanksgiving. The witches were very thankful, and once again, invited all of their friends and neighbors to dinner. Feathertop was talking politics, 'witch you should never do at a friendly dinner. Worse, Red Witch had befriended Tom, the turkey, and refused to serve him for dinner, no matter how the little Purple Witch pleaded, saying there were plenty of cakes and magic mushrooms for the guests to eat. Vlad tried to hold-out, but Zelda, in the garden, beneath the moonlight, was just too much of a temptation, and he ate her right up.

Three

---

Yuletide in The Magic Shoppe was full of cheer. Red Witch made some magic cookies, and Purple Witch ate far too many for one sitting, nestled herself into the cozy little window box, off of the warm breakfast nook, and fell into a magical winter's nap. She was awoken by one of Santa's reindeer, who led her to a magical sleigh, and they sped up and off through the starry night. While hovering high in the sky Purple Witch at last spotted Santa, stuck high atop The Keep. The Keep is an ancient tower where Witchy Poo and Damiana live. It is supposed that Witchy Poo stole the child, Damiana, from her parents, Scully and Mulder, but not true, for she is a very odd one and wandered off with the green witch willingly. Anyways, Santa seemed to be stranded up there and gratefully popped onto the magic sleigh led by the little reindeer. When they at last landed Purple Witch was greeted by two very angry and naked gingerbread. Their house was in shambles and looked as if a cyclone had hit it. "Who is going to pay for this?" The gingerbread lady wanted to know. Beneath the wreckage slept an elf. "Oh! Jangle Jiminy! There you are!" Santa said. "Is he okay?" Purple Witch wondered. "What happened, Santa?" "Oh! I suppose we had too much space cake for flying!" "Well!" Purple Witch was not surprised, but was shocked to find Little Ron huddled beneath a juniper, clutching a little lamb. "Little Ron! What are you doing in my sugar induced dream?" "Purple Witch! It's no dream! I'm saving this little lamb from Caligula!" "Oh! Well then, hop on the magic sleigh, and we will give the both of you a lift back to The Magic Shoppe. You will be safe with us." Well, Purple Witch had a weakness for warlocks, especially Italian ones, like Little Ron. "Is that succubus, The Red Witch, there?" "Why, yes." The Purple Witch had been trying to conjure up a warlock for quite some time. The Red Witch was not fond of The Purple Witch's choices in men. She thought her ex was a baby, and had emptied Isis's litter in his mailbox: special delivery. Little Ron was afraid, but it was cold beneath the juniper, so he bravely climbed on the sleigh with the bleeting lamb, and off they flew, back to The Magic Shoppe.

Four

---

Warlocks always spell trouble, and Little Ron was no different. First, he got Suzie Blue fired from her job at the paper. She was so hexcited, all she wrote about was Little Ron ManHorn this, and Little Ron, that, so much that even puppies refused to use the paper. Next, he got little Purple Witch's son, Master Thomas, expelled from Magic School. They were like, so sorry, but we cannot be associated with the likes of Little Ron and his dark magic in any way. Finally, Dainty Bette set Red Witch's dolls ablaze. She claimed, Little Ron made her do it. Well, enough was enough, and Blue Witch and Red Witch certainly could not put up with it. Too bad Purple Witch still thought Little Ron was just great. Then, Suzie Blue became sick of him and had to be tended round the clock by a team of doctors: Ron Paul, Plague Doctor, and little Doctor Strange. The witches certainly had to find a cure for Little Ron. The Red Witch and little Purple Witch set off in the snow to find a cure when they had a sledding accident, and Red Witch hurt her head, particularly her ear. Since the doctors were already there, tending to Suzie Blue, Ron Paul had a look at her. He said her ear was fine but that her plague had returned. Well, Red Witch had recovered from the plague before. She had caught it off of dirty warlocks at the haunted school where she used to work. No way Red Witch could deal with the plague all over again! She flew up on the roof of The Magic Shoppe, told the ghosts up there, Tony and Heidi, that she was coming to join them, wished she had never been born, then dove right off, hat first.

Five

---

Lucky for The Red Witch an old Kewp happened to be passing by just as she jumped. He caught her just before she hit the ground and spirited her away. "Who are you? Am I dead?" "Well, I'm trying to earn my wings, so I'm going to show you what things would be like if you had never been born." "Oh, great. I'm cursed for killing myself. I might have known." First the Kewp stopped off at The Keep. Red Witch heard the screaming right away. "What's that?" "Remember, Red Witch, you were never born. We are going to see how The Purple Witch has gotten on without you. She won't be able to see me, and she will not know you." "Who the hell are you, and what the hell do you want?" Purple Witch wanted to know. There were three screaming children in the kitchen, two babies and a little blonde girl. Red Witch could hear at least another child holler from upstairs. "Mum, I need fifty dollars!" "Purple Witch, you know me, I'm your best friend." "Well, if you're my friend, watch these children for me. My back is killing me." Just then, somebody was at the door. Purple Witch opened it, warily. "What the hell do you want?" "Purple Witch?" "Yes." "I'm Little Pearl, the children's' teacher. They haven't been in school. And, when they are, they are dirty, cuss, and beat-up the other children." "Get the hell out of here before I sic them on you! Go on, get!" "I'll be back." A frog faced slob then entered the kitchen followed by Dainty Bette. "Where the hell have you been, and who the hell is this?" "I've come to collect my things. This is Bette, I'm leaving you for her as she turns me on." Just then, Purple Witch flew at the slob. "Have you seen enough?" Kewp asked The Red Witch. "I sure have. Let's get the hell out of here." And, they did.

Next, The Red Witch found that they were standing in line at a busy bank. There were lots of dolls crying and begging Suzie Blue Witch for a loan. "I don't know what to tell you. It's not like I have any money to give you!" "Remember, Red Witch," Kewp whispered, "you've never been born. There is no magic, nor Magic Shoppe." Still, Red Witch pushed her way through the miserable line. "Suzie Blue!" "Get back in line," Suzie snapped. Then, a distinguished Asian doll came up behind The Blue Witch and said, "Honorable Suzie Blue?" "Yes." "Oh, I buy your bank, and we no longer require your services, so good day!" "Well," said Suzie, "at least I still have Uncle Phil." "Who? The witch doctor? No, I buy his hospital too. We will now be practising acupuncture, there. But, I tell you what: you stop in. We will give you one sticking at half off regular price." At this, the Kewp grabbed The Red Witch by the arm, and they flew away.

Then, they were facing a little snow covered cottage. When they popped in they saw Witchy Poo reclining in bed with a glass of wine and a giant box of bonbons. She was watching soap operas and surrounded by unkempt children. One of them reached for a bonbon, but she slapped his fingers. Then, Little Ron came in the door and stamped the snow off of his boots. He looked thin and tired. "Hello, my love. What's for dinner?" "Where are you taking me?" Witchy Poo wanted to know. There was a little blonde girl sitting at the table, and Little Ron was looking her up and down. "Who is this?" "Well, now, " said Witchy Poo, "this is Damiana, and I've taken her in since your children are too ugly to beat." "Where is Little Ronnie?" Little Ron wondered. "He's up on the roof, sweeping the chimney. Have you finished shovelling the snow?" "Yes." "Did you shovel the sidewalks at The Old House?" "That's not my property. Willie can do that." "Oh, no!" Witchy Poo was really mad, now. "Put those boots back on. I have two children coming from New Zealand. They are not used to snow. If it is good enough for Madonna and Angelina, it is good enough for me! Now, get back to work! Damiana, here, needs new shoes and a new winter coat." The children, or were they trolls, started whimpering. "That one- that child isn't even mine," complained Little Ron. Well, that was quite enough for Witchy Poo, and she flew at him, beating him with a stick. Little Ron covered his head. "I just wanted to watch football," he said. "I outlawed football along with Alex Jones months ago!" Witchy Poo was really screaming, now. "Well," the Kewp asked, "do you still wish you'd never been born?" "Oh!", The Red Witch exclaimed, "I guess, the plague is not so bad. Can you take me back to The Magic Shoppe?" Just then, they heard a crystalline sound, like the tinkling of a bell. "What's that?" "Oh, Red Witch!" Kewp cried and turned around. "Look! I've earned my wings!" And, it was true, as Red Witch could see two tiny blue wings sprouting from the Kewp's back. He swept her up, and off they flew, back to The Magic Shoppe. "I love you, angel!" "I love you too, Red Witch!"

Writings

Eventually I'm going to work on transferring a lot of my writing, here, too: ghost stories, poetry, Doll Therapy, & Three Witches Magic Shoppe, likely...