The Merry Merry Month of May

  I can't recall a merrier May. It's not just all of my new friends at Crystal Cave. This morning Ron woke me from a dream I have yet to record. I wasn't happy. He said that he was taking me to Indian Echo Caverns. He's been telling me that we've been there all along, but I knew better. Boys have shitty memories. Most girls are far superior. First, I fell in love with Ernie, the beautiful white turkey. I have never been to this magnificent cave! It's huge! Before the tour I had gotten a lovely crystal and history book from the gift shop. Lucky our fab guide, Ethan, told us about the hermit's book found in the cave; I scored that too. Thanks to Jim at Crystal Cave and The National Cave Association, Ron and I both got in for free. I get two free adults, and two kids passes a pop, so I can now get my brother in for free too. Then we stopped at Challenge Family Fun Center down the road. We only stopped for miniature golf and snacks. We were not prepared for the nostalgic eighties arcade that hosts birthdays. It was like a time machine with Aunt Janet and Glennie. Ron and I were watching a woman trying to score a prize from one of those jaws, crane games. Ron was saying that they were fixed and always dropped the prize. I was thinking that I wanted The Man in the Moon who reminded me of BOWIE. Ron bought ten dollars' worth of tokens that we had loads of fun with. Can you believe I captured the moon? I never win with games like this. We also scored lots of fun stuff at cash-out: wind-up jumpy teeth since Ron dropped twelve grand on my root canals last year, a purple paratrooper like Jimi Hendrix, a mermaid, a gnome, and soft peppermint candies. I had a slice of pizza, and Ron had a cheeseburger and fries. I picked up some flyers from The Fulton Theater near the steamboat motel, fifties diner, and Doll Outlet where I want to take my cousin and Susie Blue. It looks off-the-hook with The Wizard of Oz and Beauty and the Beast, so we'll have to plan their trip around a show. I'm glad that I'm off again tomorrow. Arthur is getting a Lyme's Disease vaccination. Shiner had that three times. I need a day to recover from so much fun. Did I mention my hole in one? That's rare for me. 

Ernie, My New Love

 

98% Creeps

 

  After all this time I'm convinced that the world is 98% creepy as fuck. I'd like to be convinced otherwise, but I doubt it. Lucky for me the 2% all work at Crystal Cave. How did that happen? I suppose we all find each other. I mean, people are still going out of their way to try to creep me the fuck out. They get fucking HEXED for that, & they are already totes fucking creeps. 🤘🤣🤘

Creep

Minie' Ball Available at Barnes & Noble

Hardback at Barnes & Noble

 

Dreams 5/26

 

5/26

  Happy Birthday in Heaven, Daddy! What an amazing night to be a dreamer! I think that the first dream took place in Germany, but I’m not certain, it was Dream Land, after all. It starred two young white men with dark curls, one much taller than the other. The taller one traded a gun for a fishing rod; he had a stash of handguns. I touched one of their heads and told them that I loved them. Then, they both were kidnapped for science. I was working with a young woman trying to find them. I found a table of toddlers who had been vaccinated. They all had one horribly mutilated leg. I could not find the young men though. 

  The second dream was awesome, probably the best. I’m pretty sure that it took place in Austria during the late nineteenth century. It starred a ginger vampiress wearing a teal silk gown. She was gorgeous. I put a large piece of tissue paper into a white porcelain bathtub full of hot water. It dissolved and fizzed. The vampiress became round and soft like a ball with a head. She was still dressed and talking, but her gown had changed colors, gold and rust. There was a tall, slender, fancy, white plastic doll house, taller than me, empty, and loaded with glass, so transparent. I was running through a shop with a young blonde woman and wanted to go back and fetch a wooden doll pen topped with a doll wearing a gray woolen coat and cap. Back in the vampire’s palace we found some dead boys. There was another room full of antique stuffed animals, all kinds. There was another wooden puzzle pen of the vampiress, complete with the ginger curls and turquoise gown. I pulled it apart. 

  The third dream was out of this world and took place at a swanky establishment where Ron and I were attending a late doll show and auction. After the show, before the auction started, I was trying to get my green trimmed, knee length, houndstooth coat off of an old redheaded woman who was wearing it. I wanted it back because it had some cotton balls stuffed in the pockets. When I got it, I realized that the cotton balls were pink. The woman opened her carpet bag and revealed a bag full of them, all colors, plus a couple of knitting needles. They were not cotton balls, but wool. I told her, never mind, that she could keep the coat. Now, there was a young man with dark hair wearing a suit, who I conned the old women into presenting the auction. He wasn’t happy about it, and I did not care. I knew that he liked me and set him up. I told him that I could not help it, that I had been up all night. I was walking out into the night going for the parking lot, looking for Ron. A young white man in a red jacket was shooting at me with a pistol and nearly hit me. Why I confronted him, who knows. I had a hold of him, and he was talking about my bra, how he could feel the strap. I joked that it was no big deal. He confessed that he liked me and didn’t really know why he wanted to shoot me. I was now back inside the building with Ron, and there was a huge flea market set up. A man had four miniature poodles with poodle cuts on leashes. I was petting a white and gray one when I noticed a cardboard sign with red lettering that said that Charles Schwab was for sale. I told the man about Arthur, and he asked me if he was brown. I told him that he was white and brown. He asked if he was brindle, and I answered, no. Then I walked down to a table on the far right where Paulina was sitting with another woman, selling antique trinkets. I was telling her about Rachel coming from a family of ten, and how her mother just had another baby.

Dana's Dreams coming soon to Barnes & Noble, an omnibus of 600+ pages

Fun with DARK SHADOWS

Get them at Barnes & Noble

 

Fabulous Fellini Paper Dolls

Get Them at Barnes & Noble

 

Aphrodite's Crystal Healing Sanctuary

 

More & More Magical

   Another perfect day, this morning Doug, who hired me, said that he wanted the souvenir shop to shine like the top of the Chrysler building. Of course, I was the only one to catch the allusion to Annie. Lucky, I had Daddy Warbucks, Albert Finney is a favorite, on my first tour. I was able to get the witches an Inner Witch cauldron love candle complete with a rose quartz love cat, Rosey. Maybe I should've gotten the money candle, but I'll have to get that one for Blue Witch because I love the way this one smells with jasmine, sandalwood, and ylang ylang. Plus, it's a real reusable cauldron perfect for future doll magic. I also got a handmade pipe, the Peruvian ocarina, that matches my Gelfling Halloween costume. I can wear it around my neck. Mummy brought me a Kokopelli stained glass windchime that hangs in the dining room from her trip out west. Then I stopped at the awesome greenhouse by the cave and picked up a gorgeous chenille hanging basket for the front porch. I haven't gotten one of those since I worked at Meder's. I still had money for a soft pretzel. I think that Fabulous Fellini Paper Dolls will be my next publication at Barnes & Noble as they're ready to roll. I deleted my Amazon account, and the witches will be HEXING them, for sure. Sorry I missed Suesday. We stopped off at Shiner's obelisk and Island Pizza for the first time, good pizza! 🍕 Thanks Mummy, Grandma, and Daddy Warbucks! ✨💖✨

Mehitable Visits Crystal Cave

   Mehitable had a wonderful time at Crystal Cave. She got to meet Devon who plays bass. Mehitable was made by a violin maker. Devon told me that Meadowood Music is a fabulous place. We can have a complete quartet once we find a violinist and violist. I'm sure they'll come along. I'm going to have to make a little book full of all of Mehitable's exploits. Right now I'm working on fixing up The Three Witches Magic Shoppe Adventures in Doll Land for Barnes & Noble. 

Kojak is on Roku

Watch Kojak

 

Ghost Stories: Crystal Cave

  I love my new job at Crystal Cave and have another chapter to add to Ghost Stories by Dana Lee that should be available soon. It began with a dream. I dreamed that my best friend, Theresa, and I were having supper in the cave, and she said, "See you tomorrow", the night before my first day. Then I saw a Scooby Doo looking ghost during my first "lights out", when the lights go out in the cave. It looked like a Halloween sheet ghost without eyes, shimmering electric green as Danu, my Glo catfish. It began at the stairs up to the Totem Pole, (who I call a deva), and moved towards me down the hall. It lasted the entire "lights out" while I tried to blink it away. I did not see it again, but a week later I was alone in the cave sweeping. At the very same spot where the ghost had appeared, at the foot of the stairs up to the Totem Pole, I caught the faint whiff of a good cigar. The smell grew and walked with me so much that I began chatting with it. I never knew such a friendly ghost, so welcoming. It followed me all the way to the mouth of the cave. Another week passed before I made the connection and named the ghost. I'm quite sure that it is Samuel Kohler, who bought the cave in 1872 for five-thousand dollars, protecting it from vandals. When he passed away his son David broke into the cave and stole a calcite speleothem from Prairie Dog Island that is on his grave in Kutztown Cemetery. It must pin him to the cave. 

  I was covering for miniature golf reading Poldark when the maintenance man, Mike, came to cut the grass. He said that there is a white lady ghost, and that the guy that hired me saw a ghost in the rest room of the restaurant that I'm going to work in. He thought that it was a real person and was waiting for him while he closed, but there wasn't anybody there. The owner told me that the inn is haunted. The tenant said that his kitchen cupboards just opened. He said that he's heard horses in the restaurant that used to be a barn. The girls have told me everything from the seats in the theater moving to noises in the restaurant and the rest room doors of the souvenir shop opening and closing. 

  The cave bathroom is haunted. The first time I just saw something black, very solid, perhaps the hem of a skirt, beneath the stall, when nobody was there. The second time it was loaded with sprickets. Sprickets are unique to the cave, half spider, half cricket. They don't chirp or bite. They are big, have very long legs, and are stripey brown and black. They have extraordinarily long antennae too. We think that they eat algae, which is good for the cave as the algae corrodes the soft limestone. They hang out in the eighteenth hole box at mini golf too. Their closest known relatives are found in Australia with 97% the same DNA. I passed the first stall and saw a young white woman with wet hair covering her face sitting on the toilet. She was wearing pants and a long-sleeved top. I wondered why somebody would have the stall open and looked back, but there wasn't anybody there. A spricket followed me up to the theater, tickling my neck.     
 

Crystal Cave & The Ghost & Mrs. Muir

I spend ten percent of my pay in Crystal Cave's fabulous souvenir shop. Glad to finally get a discount. I got this beautiful crystal today along with a beaded cicada that hangs from my rear-view mirror, and a Crystal Cave sticker for Mehitable's, my travel doll, trunk. Mehitable hasn't been there yet, but soon. I'll get pictures. I also picked up more flowers from the seller along the way, coleus for Shiner's grave and an enormous purple petunia hanging basket for the back porch. Kirsten, the girl in the souvenir shop, told me that the lady who sells them has a son who used to work at the cave. I dressed my Gene doll in her new costume, Love's Ghost, based on The Ghost and Mrs. Muir. I love that book, film, and series. My Gene, Daughter of the Nile, was an old valentine, so these duds suit her. I've never changed her clothes. I sold my other two but still have the trunk and lots of outfits. I'll probably score her some more. I stopped caring for her "creator", Mel Odom, years ago when I saw his commie fakebook posts and how he'd prefer The Pony Hexpress to Space Camp. Spare me. 
   

The Art of Dana Lee Available at Barnes & Noble

Get The Art of Dana Lee in Hardback

 

Hot Blood Available at Barnes & Noble

         Get Hot Blood in Hardcover

 

Letitia Penn Doll Show, DARK SHADOWS, Fellini, & More

 

Fanging with Claude at Barnes & Noble

Get Fanging with Claude in hardcover

 

DOC (Holliday) Available at Barnes & Noble

 Get DOC in hardcover

Ghost Stories

Amazon's asshole intelligence has terminated my publishing account. I am just waiting to see if I get my last order before deleting my entire account. I've double HEXED them for that. I'm already revamping my ghost stories for my first future publication, probably at Barnes & Noble, we'll see. I plan to include all four dream books into a massive omnibus as my second project. Of course, Fanging with Claude, DOC, and Hot Blood will be coming along. The art and doll books will be later. I doubt that the Pennsylvania picture books will ever be available again, but I might be able to work with my massive cemetery archive with prints or something. Stay positively wicked, my friends! ✨
   

Bear With Me

A Good Thing

Cello

 

Crystal Cave

  I was in such a sad state when I left for work this morning. The gathering gloom was gone by the time that I reached the inn. I had to cover miniature golf and had a wonderful time with the kids, reading Poldark, and chatting with Mike about the ghosts. I was finally able to snap some pictures of my favorite spots too. The mini golf shed smells like camp. 

 

My First Steiff

  Inspired by Honey and Spice and Everything Nice, Central Penn Doll Club's May Day luncheon, based upon a dream, I've scored my first Steiff. I've wanted one all of my life. I prefer Andre to the door prizes that I didn't win, and I didn't spend an arm and leg on him. He growls, it's adorable. I have a Merrythought mohair growler, Popcorn, but she's quiet. Andre is alpaca and very soft. I will be attending Letitia Penn Doll Club's show in Dublin soon and am looking forward to that. If I ever get a new car I will join that club, but in the meantime, I must check out Lancaster's Red Rose Club which is a lot closer. 
 

The Collins Port Inn Season Six Finale

Too White