The Merry Merry Month of May

  I can't recall a merrier May. It's not just all of my new friends at Crystal Cave. This morning Ron woke me from a dream I have yet to record. I wasn't happy. He said that he was taking me to Indian Echo Caverns. He's been telling me that we've been there all along, but I knew better. Boys have shitty memories. Most girls are far superior. First, I fell in love with Ernie, the beautiful white turkey. I have never been to this magnificent cave! It's huge! Before the tour I had gotten a lovely crystal and history book from the gift shop. Lucky our fab guide, Ethan, told us about the hermit's book found in the cave; I scored that too. Thanks to Jim at Crystal Cave and The National Cave Association, Ron and I both got in for free. I get two free adults, and two kids passes a pop, so I can now get my brother in for free too. Then we stopped at Challenge Family Fun Center down the road. We only stopped for miniature golf and snacks. We were not prepared for the nostalgic eighties arcade that hosts birthdays. It was like a time machine with Aunt Janet and Glennie. Ron and I were watching a woman trying to score a prize from one of those jaws, crane games. Ron was saying that they were fixed and always dropped the prize. I was thinking that I wanted The Man in the Moon who reminded me of BOWIE. Ron bought ten dollars' worth of tokens that we had loads of fun with. Can you believe I captured the moon? I never win with games like this. We also scored lots of fun stuff at cash-out: wind-up jumpy teeth since Ron dropped twelve grand on my root canals last year, a purple paratrooper like Jimi Hendrix, a mermaid, a gnome, and soft peppermint candies. I had a slice of pizza, and Ron had a cheeseburger and fries. I picked up some flyers from The Fulton Theater near the steamboat motel, fifties diner, and Doll Outlet where I want to take my cousin and Susie Blue. It looks off-the-hook with The Wizard of Oz and Beauty and the Beast, so we'll have to plan their trip around a show. I'm glad that I'm off again tomorrow. Arthur is getting a Lyme's Disease vaccination. Shiner had that three times. I need a day to recover from so much fun. Did I mention my hole in one? That's rare for me. 

Ernie, My New Love

 

98% Creeps

 

  After all this time I'm convinced that the world is 98% creepy as fuck. I'd like to be convinced otherwise, but I doubt it. Lucky for me the 2% all work at Crystal Cave. How did that happen? I suppose we all find each other. I mean, people are still going out of their way to try to creep me the fuck out. They get fucking HEXED for that, & they are already totes fucking creeps. 🤘🤣🤘

Creep

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Dreams 5/26

 

5/26

  Happy Birthday in Heaven, Daddy! What an amazing night to be a dreamer! I think that the first dream took place in Germany, but I’m not certain, it was Dream Land, after all. It starred two young white men with dark curls, one much taller than the other. The taller one traded a gun for a fishing rod; he had a stash of handguns. I touched one of their heads and told them that I loved them. Then, they both were kidnapped for science. I was working with a young woman trying to find them. I found a table of toddlers who had been vaccinated. They all had one horribly mutilated leg. I could not find the young men though. 

  The second dream was awesome, probably the best. I’m pretty sure that it took place in Austria during the late nineteenth century. It starred a ginger vampiress wearing a teal silk gown. She was gorgeous. I put a large piece of tissue paper into a white porcelain bathtub full of hot water. It dissolved and fizzed. The vampiress became round and soft like a ball with a head. She was still dressed and talking, but her gown had changed colors, gold and rust. There was a tall, slender, fancy, white plastic doll house, taller than me, empty, and loaded with glass, so transparent. I was running through a shop with a young blonde woman and wanted to go back and fetch a wooden doll pen topped with a doll wearing a gray woolen coat and cap. Back in the vampire’s palace we found some dead boys. There was another room full of antique stuffed animals, all kinds. There was another wooden puzzle pen of the vampiress, complete with the ginger curls and turquoise gown. I pulled it apart. 

  The third dream was out of this world and took place at a swanky establishment where Ron and I were attending a late doll show and auction. After the show, before the auction started, I was trying to get my green trimmed, knee length, houndstooth coat off of an old redheaded woman who was wearing it. I wanted it back because it had some cotton balls stuffed in the pockets. When I got it, I realized that the cotton balls were pink. The woman opened her carpet bag and revealed a bag full of them, all colors, plus a couple of knitting needles. They were not cotton balls, but wool. I told her, never mind, that she could keep the coat. Now, there was a young man with dark hair wearing a suit, who I conned the old women into presenting the auction. He wasn’t happy about it, and I did not care. I knew that he liked me and set him up. I told him that I could not help it, that I had been up all night. I was walking out into the night going for the parking lot, looking for Ron. A young white man in a red jacket was shooting at me with a pistol and nearly hit me. Why I confronted him, who knows. I had a hold of him, and he was talking about my bra, how he could feel the strap. I joked that it was no big deal. He confessed that he liked me and didn’t really know why he wanted to shoot me. I was now back inside the building with Ron, and there was a huge flea market set up. A man had four miniature poodles with poodle cuts on leashes. I was petting a white and gray one when I noticed a cardboard sign with red lettering that said that Charles Schwab was for sale. I told the man about Arthur, and he asked me if he was brown. I told him that he was white and brown. He asked if he was brindle, and I answered, no. Then I walked down to a table on the far right where Paulina was sitting with another woman, selling antique trinkets. I was telling her about Rachel coming from a family of ten, and how her mother just had another baby.

Dana's Dreams coming soon to Barnes & Noble, an omnibus of 600+ pages

Fun with DARK SHADOWS

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Fabulous Fellini Paper Dolls

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Aphrodite's Crystal Healing Sanctuary